Updated: Jun 22, 2021
We loved our time locked up together. In fact, it strengthened us and grew us in ways we didn't know were even possible. So here are some of the things we did when there was nothing to do.
We went a lot of walks/hikes. There are great parks and trails all over our city and so when they were open, we were there to get some fresh air and sun shine.
We played random made up games like the night I had Aaron look at me for 30 seconds and then he had to shut his eyes and try to draw me on a piece of paper. We were laughing so hard at our Picaso like art of one another.
Aaron made sure we were spontaneous and did things that filled my soul when he could tell I was getting antsy. The best thing for me in these times is sand under my toes and the power of the ocean speaking to me. So we made a lot of beach trips =)
We decided to go through one of my favorite work books on sex and sensuality. It was fun, vulnerable and interesting to ask questions to one another and come to some new realizations that we maybe didn't know before.
We took A LOT of drives. Some times that just meant he and I would hop in the car, drive to get a tea and then head up into the hills in silence or just listening to music while we look at the beauty of the hills and dream of our future. This was an easy and inexpensive thing to do when the heaviness got to us and the kids were being too loud or demanding.
We traveled to different parts of the town to get a change of scenery for the entire family. Hood River was one that we went to 3 times to stay a night or two in the historic hotel and just enjoy being somewhere else.
We still dated. We would eat out or go do something that is at the top of our list which is lingerie shopping =) It kept me feeling sexy, feminine and empowered and him just excited and in love.
We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary and stuck to our traditions of dinner on the deck where we had our reception. Being able to keep some things "the same" felt like home a little bit.
We didn't have any expectations for each other which meant some times we were in sweats all day. Some days we napped with the kids all day while watching Disney+ on a loop. Some days he was stressed and needed me and some days I was stressed and needed him. We just showed up for each other know that we were there in this together and it was safe to show and feel all the feels with each other.
We talked a lot about new/old shadows that were showing up and we worked together to shine a light on them. We broke down a lot of old narratives or old wounds and spent time holding space and healing them. We even decided we wanted to start doing work together so now we also coach together and have a cute little shared office at his work.
Aaron and I didn't have great examples of marriage to base our life off of. We didn't have a manual to figure out how to raise 3 kids (6, 8 & 11) in a locked down global pandemic. Neither of us were prepared or ready to watch this last year try to destroy both of our businesses (he's a health and nutrition coach out of a small private gym and I own a high end baby/childrend's boutique). We know we are best friends though and that means that when either one of us is scared, that the other will shelf their crap and be the stable one in that moment. We take terns. We honor each others feelings and always make space. We are honest with one another about our wants in each moment because we know that neither of us our mind readers, even though we do have a scary telepathic thing going on. We say it to our kids often , "we're on the same team". That means that we have each others backs no matter what, even when our own triggers pop up and try to put a division in us. We simply won't allow it because we trust each other without fear of being let down.
2020 was so hard. It was and is still scary and has so many unknowns but there was and still is so much good that can come from it. I always love the analogy of a seed being in the deep, dark, wet, scary unknown of the dirt but that it is from this space that roots for and a beautiful flower or mighty tree can grow. This year was a great opportunity for our marriages to be in the darkness together so that we can form deep roots and a beautiful family life for everyone around us.
How do you want to feel in your marriage?
What is 1 thing you can do right now to get closer to that feeling?
What is stopping you from doing this thing?